Feeling Weak?

As the chaplain for Chi O, each week I give a short devotion either in chapter or over the listserv. It's a great way to spread God's love for us. I thought it would be cool to start writing them on here, in hopes that people could read them? We'll see how that goes! Here it is:

As spring break is approaching and seems to be close we can almost touch the warm sand, it's left me in a bit of a rut. Obviously we all have midterms, papers, projects, and who knows what else. I've been trying to read this stupid James Joyce book "Ulysses" that makes ZERO sense and feels like this dude woke up in the middle of the night and recorded what he dreamed about. That's left me feeling pretty discouraged. (Speaking of, if any of y'all have read this book, plz hmu.) So yeah school is laborious and utterly unrewarding (at least at this point).

Then you have alllllll the other stuff that goes on. For me, the future came pounding on my door, totally unannounced, just to see what plans (if any) I had swimming around in my head. Then of course I felt overwhelmed because I still don't know what I'm doing this summer or if I should go to graduate school or if I should start with 15 or 30 SPF next week on the beach. (Let's be real, I should probably be wearing like 100.)

I'll be honest, I put a lot of pressure on myself as well. To have stellar grades, to be a solid friend, good role model, aspiring teacher, the list definitely goes on. I strive for perfection which we all know is unattainable, yet I still can't figure out why I attempt to get there. I rely on myself too much. I think I can do it because I'm strong and independent.

Here's the truth: I can't. I can't do it on my own. Not at all. So what do I do when I feel this weak, this defeated, this beaten down? Well today, I curled up in my bed paralyzed by period cramps with Wheat Thins, watched too much Scandal, then turned on Ellen, and proceeded to fall asleep in the first three minutes of Dr. Phil. Honestly, none of that really helped.

It's okay for me to be weak. It's okay for any of us to be weak and feel down. It's inevitable. Here's the thing, our weakness is how God's strength is shown because through him and our reliance on him, His power is made perfect. Others can see that even though we are weak, we are strong because of God and His love for us and His compassion for us. He takes care of us...if we let him. Once we allow him to intervene, we are set free and we are anything but defeated. It takes that moment to extinguish our own pride and independence, and once that moment has happened, his love swoops in and saves us from that weak, dark, defeated place.

I know this was a long rant, so I hope it made sense and you got a little something out of it. Here's the passage I thought of:

"I was given a thorn in my flesh, to torment. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I encourage you all to read that a few times this week (or whenever) as you might be feeling a little down or a little weak. Take a second to breathe and let go of bad thoughts and vibes inside of you. Make room for God to step in and ask for help. Ask for his help, your friend's help, your family's. It's amazing how you will feel after taking that leap of faith. We are made strong through our weaknesses.

Hoppin' Around

Okay, yep. It's definitely been about year since I last ventured on to my little blog here. Whoops? Not really though because this is my blog and no one reads it anyway. Anywho, I want to blurb about fears.

As illegitimate as this sounds, my greatest fears are clowns, the Easter bunny, mascots, masks, the Muppets, and some dolls. Basically anything that has a predetermined facial expression. Clowns and the Easter bunny are probably the greatest fear. I totally get how stupid that sounds, but I think it's weird that people are afraid of heights or spiders sooooo, there's that....

People are aware of my fear and love posting scary pictures of clowns on my Facebook wall or scaring me with masks and stuff. Real cool guys....

A few weeks ago, we had an "Anything But Clothes" (ABC) social. I was super pumped about it because people think of the most clever things to dress up as. Earlier in the week, it dawned on me. There was something in the Chi O attic that was completely and utterly perfect for the social's theme. This costume.....

 

I know what you're thinking.....why the heck would I dress up as my #1 fear? That's what I thought too. But then it occurred to me that I would never actually have to look at myself, so I could literally become my fear. Kind of an inception concept. I did forget how scary I looked a few times and made myself jump when I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. But that's irrelevant. 

I walked around the fraternity house completely silent, just creeping on everyone possible. It was seriously the most fun I had in a long time. I didn't care what people were thinking because they didn't know who I was! Some people were really frustrated and kept attempting to reveal my identity which was seriously so annoying, but they were never successful so ha! Bunny wins. 

Okay, so aside from freaking out on a few occasions when I saw myself in a reflection, throughout the night I became more accustomed to the fact that I was the frightening over-sized bunny walking on two legs with a massive head and very screwed up nose. Many, MANY photo-ops were in order and I literally haven't taken that many pictures since my prom picture party senior year. It was humorous to me because people would say, "Bunnyyy! Can we PLEASE have a picture with you?!" Keep in mind, NO ONE could hear anything I was saying so I had to use nonverbal communication like hand gestures and nods. That was also hilarious because people just assumed that I couldn't hear them so then they would start communicating with their hands instead of their words and I would just stand there slightly baffled, but also smirking to myself at the situation which also no one saw because my face was in a huge rabbit hole...I mean head. (pun intended?) Anyway, back to my point, there were millions of pictures of me in this costume, so I had to adjust to the fact that I was going to see an Easter bunny over and over again. I guess it was comforting that I knew who it was in the suit, but I can't be for sure that my fears are completely diminished......

Here's the thing. Pretty much every fear I had of the Easter bunny before this night was reconfirmed as a fear of mine after this night. I don't like mascots or the Easter bunny because you never know who's inside. It could be a man, woman, small child....you would never know. Also, the expression stays the same. In my case, I was always smiling in a partially creepy way with a discolored nose. I realized how much I use my facial expression to convey what I'm trying to say. Everyone thought I was just smiling or laughing at their jokes! I couldn't show them that I was confused, scared, or shocked, or anything else! That freaks me out about mascots. I realized how easy it is to be creepy when you're in one of those suits and how much fun it is. Needless to say, I haven't quite overcome this fear completely, but I definitely made some headway. I'm pretty proud of myself. 

There were many amazing moments throughout the night, but one of my personal favorites was the ride from the house to the social downtown. Naturally, I rode in the back of a pick-up truck.

I didn't last quite long into the night, mainly because I started getting harassed by drunk people. Not cool. There's something about a bunny downtown that either really intrigued people or freaked them out. Regardless, I still had the time of my life and ended the night hopping across the crosswalk to get in my friend's car to go home. BUNNY OUT.

Fall into Motion

Happy November! What a great month...we're in the midst of fall, Thanksgiving is soon, and November recognizes lots and lots of causes and holidays. It's Native American Heritage Month, Pancreatic Cancer Month (which leads to "No Shave November"), National Novel Writing Month, Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month, National Homeless Youth Month, National Pomegranate Month, and International Drum Month. Just to name like...seven.

Fall is obviously amazing. I mean the leaves, the smells, the weather, the pumpkins, the preparation for winter, Halloween, Thanksgiving.

It's all a grand ole time. Fall is also really crazy and hectic. I don't know about you, but for me November in a way is like some kind of time warp. It becomes so easy for priorities to get all messed up. There's always so much to do and no time. It feels like you're spinning out of motion. Movement is good, but uncontrolled movement can be detrimental to your self.

What I have to constantly remind myself is to slow down and take a step back. I'm not saying slow down forever - the pace of your life is obviously up to you. But there is a need for

calming down, going into a quiet place, and refilling your soul.

Quiet time with Jesus every day literally equips me for the day. Only God knows what I need for that day and spending time with Him and in His Word is the only way to see that.

Spending time in Creation rejuvenates my spirit while giving me rest and peace. Appreciation and wonder stem from nature and what God has graced us with.

Looking into my own heart to find out the person I am acting like. Sometimes, I find good things and am grateful. Other times I look at my heart and am disgusted. My relationship with God, my friendships, and what I am giving out are all carefully analyzed.

I have to get back on track. All of those church sermons, Bible study lessons, Crossroads talks, and devotionals....where have they gone? Do they remain in my journal or in my brain, only there to look back on to refresh my mind? Or do they remain eternally in my heart and soul, actually changing my life, my character, and my faith? My prayer is that it's the latter.

This notion of "falling back into the motion" is probably overrated and pretty cliche. But honestly, it's so important. The ups and downs of life definitely make this difficult. I know it's not easy. All I know is that I'm sick of having a kind of roller coaster life in regards to the goodness of my soul. Instead of changing my attitudes for a summer, a few weeks, or the beginning of fall, I want to change my LIFE, my PERSPECTIVE, and my ACTIONS.

Keep your eyes sharpened, ears ready, and heart open. Stay excellent.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes form God and is by faith."

-Philippians 3:7-9